"Depression"

Hi everyone...
A lot of people seem to be, as they like to say, "depressed" nowadays. It kind of seems as if no one can really be happy now. Which seems weird to me since we are entering the festive season of Christmas. However I can also in a way relate as the past few weeks have been hard. If any of my friends are reading this: I am sorry I'm being distant....blame LIFE!. But seriously a lot of people seem to be either completely stressed out, suffering from a mental or emotional breakdown or are just "depressed". I personally think you have to be a little bit careful with the word depressed since there are people that say they are "depressed" but really are just attention seekers and then there are the ones who actually suffer from depression. I keep on wondering why everyone seems to be so upset all around me when really we have so many opportunities and friends and love and ..stuff. But I wonder:

"Are so many opportunities too much? Do they put extra pressure on us to do well/better?"

Is it possible that we are put down more inside if we fail while having had opportunities? Let me explain because I feel like that sentence does not do my idea justice. In my school us (students) are provided with many opportunities to get work experience, to do volunteering or to take part in challenges etc. However what if we take some of those but they do not improve our grades? Could it then be that we feel like we are bad at everything because: "even though I get so many opportunities I still do not seem to be able to do as well as some who don't even have these opportunities?!". I hope this kind of explained it a bit. However to link this back to "depression". It could be that our self confidence just decreases due to more pressure causing us to all just feel as if we are failing at everything. I have had a rough couple of weeks and have decided to not talk about it to people because I feel like it would bother them and it is so different to the usual bubbly Leonie (or Lemonface as people like to call me ;) ). However I have noticed that if I withhold all of this information about myself to people they start to feel as if I do not take them serious as friends. This is not true. So to be able to get out of this self destructing cycle the best thing you can do is to just talk about it. Obviously not to everyone, that would be a bit weird, but talk to your friends or your parents etc. It does help.

Rejection

Ouch. It hurts. Now I dont have a lot of experience but I suppose being stood up feels the same just that the feeling doesnt last as long ( thats just my opinion by the way ). I personally believe no one deserves to be treated like this and if you are planning on not going to e.g. the cinema with them just tell him/her. The feeling of rejection I believe is one of the most powerful feelings and is a feeling that a lot of people mess with. Take the X-Factor. When they tell the contestants wether their through to the live shows or not they say so many things implying their not and then surprise them with a yes. Some see this as oh its so nice their taking him/her to the shows. In reality though they have been playing with these peoples emotions non stop and it just keeps on continuing. When has it become acceptable to do something like that? Just like when has it become acceptable to mess with someones emotions in a relationship? The feeling of rejection can really be applied to any situation. Its the feeling you get when your bullied at school, when you are stood up, when you are not seen by the person you really like and when you are dumped. There are so many more situations, too many to mention. It can be so powerful and hurtful that it drives certain people to do stupid things (and i think we all know what I mean with this). Personally I do believe sometimes you have to create this "armour" to be able to handle that, however that still doesnt make it ok. And that my friends is what some people forget. Just because the boy you bullied everyday doesnt respond anymore does also not mean you can just continue non-stop.

judged or judge?

Trying to write a song can be easy and hard. Just like life really. But finding a topic that will not only please yourself but also your audience...now that is a talent. Wandering through the streets of London I do often find some inspiration. But sitting down and just starting to write then again proves to be a challenge. Somehow the thought of people seeing me with my guitar just scares me. Aren't we all incredibly judgmental? But also at the same time aren't we all incredibly scared of being judged? Even the ones who say they don't somewhere still will feel insecure when they are all by themselves and a group (often girls) starts laughing and to look at you. It just makes me wonder:

"Are we all so scared of being judged that we become the judges?"

I knew I had to somehow find a way to be more self confident seeing how I am now slowly entering sixth form where (In England) we are now allowed to wear our own clothes, giving the bullies a new chance to pick on you. And in fact the challenge is not not to care but to not do the same to others in a moment of fear or jealousy. And while we all say that we are not the bullies and that we are not the judges when we think about we all are. Even in the tiniest of situations we somehow always seem to find something to say about someone. And then somehow I just knew what to do. I had to just change. Not because I was scared that people would not like me because of how I was now. But because when I change now and am confident in what I do now I know that no one will be able to take that away. Whilst when I do the same that I have been doing for many years now and something that I am not a 100% sure about...I know that the bullies and the judges will get to me. I am not saying we should all do this I just somehow have the confidence that for me it might work. 

XOXO