Go your own way

Sometimes it is time to say goodbye. Goodbye to people, goodbye to things that used to bring us joy, goodbye to the past. It enables you to look more into the present and prepare for the future. This said, it is one of the hardest things to do. Not just saying bye to people but also to things that remind you of how things used to be. Whether they are painful or happy memories does not matter, it can be as equally difficult. It all depends on how you cope.

Am I going to be the person that is not able to cope and goes back to old habits and hides from friends and the truth?
Am I going to be the person that can just move on and understand the situation and not mind that much?
Do I have a choice...?

I think how we cope is different in every situation. Saying bye to memories is something I find extremely difficult. I can't seem to let go of the past and am scared of the future. What it holds and how it will unfold without my control scares me everyday, The rational part of me says; "you have no control over how the future will be, only over how you see the present day so why worry". But the constantly scared part of me reminds me everyday of how things were when I was younger and how everything just seemed so much easier. When I look back I feel like it was a completely different life that I had. Like it is not MY past but someone else's, I'm sure this is something at least one of you can relate to as well. It seems as though these memories come back every time I have to let go of someone. The sadness of having to leave behind a friend with whom you shared memories, secrets, jokes, can bring back not just that part of the past but everything from before as well. This is what makes it so difficult. It is not the knowing you will no longer make any more memories. It is the knowing that the ones you have no longer matter, that they should be wiped and should be seen as bad memories and not happy ones. Because the person let you down....so how can any of those memories really be happy? We want to make those memories bad...because if they were good then we really are letting go of someone we cared about and saw as a friend, and that reality hurts more than anything else.
So how do we move forward?.....  we choose.

Society and Wars

I am currently in The Netherlands watching a debate about human privacy. The question is whether we want maximum privacy or maximum safety and whether we have to give up privacy to receive safety. It made me start thinking about the new rules in airports in England at the moment:

1. Laptops and phones need to be fully charged when travelling.
2. You need to be able to switch electronic devices on when asked to.

For someone like me who travels a lot I know this at times is impossible. For example,
I have been in school all day and leave at 3 pm to immediately go to the airport. My phone might be almost out of battery by the time I am going through checks as I have had no time to charge it. These new rules to me show that slowly we are becoming a distrusting society where because of mistakes made by others everyone suffers. War is slowly coming again. Russia is becoming more violent towards the Ukraine and is stretching the boundaries. And no one is really intervening as no one wants to deal with Russia and all of its problems. The Israelian army is bombing Gaza while they are also firing rockets towards Israel both ,now, also killing innocent civilians. A fifth of all casualties is children. A fifth. War is slowly coming again.

I personally believe society is falling apart. We do not trust and are constantly tip-toeing around trying not to provoke anyone. Our traumatised past containing WW1, WW2 and the cold war is still now restricting us from intervening from current issues, as we do not want another war. Society is falling apart and the worst part...there is nothing I can do to help.

Society and Wars

I am currently in The Netherlands watching a debate about human privacy. The question is whether we want maximum privacy or maximum safety and whether we have to give up privacy to receive safety. It made me start thinking about the new rules in airports in England at the moment:

1. Laptops and phones need to be fully charged when travelling.
2. You need to be able to switch electronic devices on when asked to.

For someone like me who travels a lot I know this at times is impossible. For example,
I have been in school all day and leave at 3 pm to immediately go to the airport. My phone might be almost out of battery by the time I am going through checks as I have had no time to charge it. These new rules to me show that slowly we are becoming a distrusting society where because of mistakes made by others everyone suffers. War is slowly coming again. Russia is becoming more violent towards the Ukraine and is stretching the boundaries. And no one is really intervening as no one wants to deal with Russia and all of its problems. The Israelian army is bombing Gaza while they are also firing rockets towards Israel both ,now, also killing innocent civilians. A fifth of all casualties is children. A fifth. War is slowly coming again.

I personally believe society is falling apart. We do not trust and are constantly tip-toeing around trying not to provoke anyone. Our traumatised past containing WW1, WW2 and the cold war is still now restricting us from intervening from current issues, as we do not want another war. Society is falling apart and the worst part...there is nothing I can do to help.

"Depression"

Hi everyone...
A lot of people seem to be, as they like to say, "depressed" nowadays. It kind of seems as if no one can really be happy now. Which seems weird to me since we are entering the festive season of Christmas. However I can also in a way relate as the past few weeks have been hard. If any of my friends are reading this: I am sorry I'm being distant....blame LIFE!. But seriously a lot of people seem to be either completely stressed out, suffering from a mental or emotional breakdown or are just "depressed". I personally think you have to be a little bit careful with the word depressed since there are people that say they are "depressed" but really are just attention seekers and then there are the ones who actually suffer from depression. I keep on wondering why everyone seems to be so upset all around me when really we have so many opportunities and friends and love and ..stuff. But I wonder:

"Are so many opportunities too much? Do they put extra pressure on us to do well/better?"

Is it possible that we are put down more inside if we fail while having had opportunities? Let me explain because I feel like that sentence does not do my idea justice. In my school us (students) are provided with many opportunities to get work experience, to do volunteering or to take part in challenges etc. However what if we take some of those but they do not improve our grades? Could it then be that we feel like we are bad at everything because: "even though I get so many opportunities I still do not seem to be able to do as well as some who don't even have these opportunities?!". I hope this kind of explained it a bit. However to link this back to "depression". It could be that our self confidence just decreases due to more pressure causing us to all just feel as if we are failing at everything. I have had a rough couple of weeks and have decided to not talk about it to people because I feel like it would bother them and it is so different to the usual bubbly Leonie (or Lemonface as people like to call me ;) ). However I have noticed that if I withhold all of this information about myself to people they start to feel as if I do not take them serious as friends. This is not true. So to be able to get out of this self destructing cycle the best thing you can do is to just talk about it. Obviously not to everyone, that would be a bit weird, but talk to your friends or your parents etc. It does help.

I love the dark

I love the dark
Because all my reponsibilities fade away
I love the dark
Because i see clearer than i see during day
I love the dark
Because i can be who i am and want to be
I love the dark
Because it's the only time my thoughts run free
I love the dark
Because it keeps me silent and divine
I love the dark
Because then I know you are mine
I love the dark
Because it is just me and you
I love the dark
Because even through darkness I know you see me too.

Rejection

Ouch. It hurts. Now I dont have a lot of experience but I suppose being stood up feels the same just that the feeling doesnt last as long ( thats just my opinion by the way ). I personally believe no one deserves to be treated like this and if you are planning on not going to e.g. the cinema with them just tell him/her. The feeling of rejection I believe is one of the most powerful feelings and is a feeling that a lot of people mess with. Take the X-Factor. When they tell the contestants wether their through to the live shows or not they say so many things implying their not and then surprise them with a yes. Some see this as oh its so nice their taking him/her to the shows. In reality though they have been playing with these peoples emotions non stop and it just keeps on continuing. When has it become acceptable to do something like that? Just like when has it become acceptable to mess with someones emotions in a relationship? The feeling of rejection can really be applied to any situation. Its the feeling you get when your bullied at school, when you are stood up, when you are not seen by the person you really like and when you are dumped. There are so many more situations, too many to mention. It can be so powerful and hurtful that it drives certain people to do stupid things (and i think we all know what I mean with this). Personally I do believe sometimes you have to create this "armour" to be able to handle that, however that still doesnt make it ok. And that my friends is what some people forget. Just because the boy you bullied everyday doesnt respond anymore does also not mean you can just continue non-stop.

The stressing virus

Heyah guys. So since some of you know I am in sixth form (finally!) and enjoying the little bit of extra freedom that I have gained. I remember at the beginning me and all of my friends were so happy because we felt like we had accomplished something big (GCSE results yay) and were on the path to...well to succes I suppose. The first few weeks were amazing and we were enjoying it so much. However we are slowly starting to feel the pressure of this extra responsibility and freedom. Right now we are in about the 9th week of sixth form and people are slowly rotting away inside. More and more homework is set and exams are coming closer...even though they are in June/July. We feel like now is the time to prepare for the future and like we should know what we want to do. I had a long conversation with my friend about this and we both noticed that instead of actually working on what we had to achieve now we were only worrying about what was to happen in the future. With sixth form more comes to show than just responsibility. Of course now that we are more mature we have a different kind of life style and parties become more of a normal and everyday / every weekend thing. This means that subconciously, I believe, we have lost a part of what we used to do which was just hanging out and chat for a few hours. This means that we now feel all of this pressure on our shoulders of having to decide everything now while knowing that we are still in an economic depression and that unemployment rates are still incredibly high and feeling like we have lost a part of our childhood. However there is always a way around all of this stress that just keeps on building up inside everyone, apparently. One of my friends actually came with a very good idea: 

"you shouldnt regret the past or worry and stress about the future"

We should be happy that we have the chances that we have to improve our chances of having a good job later even during this economic depression and the sudent fees etc. We need to stick together and enjoy that little extra freedom and that extra responsibility. I believe by embracing what you have now it is a lot easier to have a good time and to enjoy the time that we are in now.